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Below are the 11 most recent journal entries.

	2005.08.23  12.50 it's been a month since i last wrote in this thing. haha. my hubby swept me off my feet this past week or so and we, i think, had lots of fun--shopping, eating, walking and driving around, watching anime and movies, dancing on made-for-home ddr pads, and lots of good naps. i'm having my favorite snack--julie's love letters... mmmm. wow...... soooo good... my mum is soooo the best! she got me these snacks--two boxes... and a huge box of pads... too, hehe... she doesn't forget anything! but yeah... sigh, i miss him but i am in this dilemma that i finally have an opportunity to go and chill with family but... i have a midterm that i should be working on this week... i get it tomorrow and have until monday to turn it in... so five days to work on it and 2 in which i could be at home--which means little tiem to work on it, and 2 of those days i work at one or both of my jobs. yikes~! i duno what to do but my heart's answer is that i go home. i will be working 40-60 hrs a wk starting september 6 which gives me 2 chances to take about having another free weekend... but i doubt my second job will leave that miracle to happen to me again! sigh sigh. well anyways... i'm glad my room is clean and i am actually getting lots of work done. hehe. ohhh yeah... recently i took photos with my hubby and he looks so cute. i wouldn't trade him for the stars... coz he shows me the world in a way i could never see it with anyone else... he really bums me out but makes me feel so loved at the same times sometimes... and we have so much fun... i don't think any finite amount of livejournal entries could come close to describing how mr. zhao makes me feel. but perhaps, all i can say sort of does the job is that true happiness just happens when we're together... yeah... i swear sometimes this livejournal is some type of secret love confession to someone i already keep close to my heart in dreams and reality but back to my date with plato and machiavelli--the author he enjoyd reading his the prince novel....... Mood: awake

	2005.07.21  07.28 2 minutes until opening. hehe. it's going to be busy, i think. people are already lining up at the doors........... alright... an hr has passd since i wrote that last sentence... it seems... sigh. i'm gonna go read the novel i brought to work... the mermaid chair... Mood: weird

	2005.07.20  19.14 what more... is there to want? he is studious--a geek at heart and looks it. he cares for me with all his heart. he wants me to be his wifey--so this man thinks long-term (wants to meet a long-haul). he's smart-dorky-fun-funny--the basics with a + sign. he makes me laugh on aim. he is good at math and spelling (excluding aim). he likes at least one sport and he's playful. but... sometimes... i get a feeling it's not right. like my soul isn't inside in a bubble of happiness... like i was with someone else a long time ago and it's like... you wonder what life would be like if you could always feel that sense of loneliness and just be happy when love rolls by instead of just always have that semi-ecstasy--that ecstasy that doesn't seem so as you figure it'll be forever, if you let it. i don't feel like i'm ready for such commitment because he gets angry easily... so i daydream of this standoffish guy that i could love and not feel so commitd to and not get hurt because he would be what he is--standoffish... just aloof. but i just can't take my mind off him... he's so wow and wow and wow... i just get so taken aback when he... shows his short-fusedness and doesn't mmm put up with me, to say. i'm stressd and if i'm not the sweetest apple in the bunch, he seems so angry and scary--much worse than i would be. i hate it how he isn't calm so much when i am so mellow... and i hate how he doesn't explain his reasons well. Mood: awake

	2005.07.20  09.04 busy so busy, ahhhh. midterm and studies... and 2 jobs... ahhhhh. Mood: sleepy

	2005.07.03  16.07 oy i told my hubby i was fluffy and he said i would not do anything about it anyways. i should run more. i feel bummd. Mood: blank

	2005.07.03  10.23 today this is a continuation of the last entry. i got the job! i am now a geeky salesman that will be cross-traind for customer service--at the counter where i do returns and drop the geeky shirt and wear dress slacks and blouse. yes! gosh! i am so proud of myself. i am making a dollar more than my concurrent job and totally will be making progress in paying my bills. i must discipline myself from shopping so much in the past. mmmm. i am listening to an online chinese radio station. http://70.84.145.117:8000/ it is really cute because i used to have some of these songs and would daydream a music video to them with yeno me as some lost, silly gal waiting upon the tentative arrival of her prince charming from her dorm window as i write a five page essay. mm. i will study again today and hopefully find a belt in town to go with my uniform. i am so excited. it is not a seasonal position. i got hired as part-time and, wow, making more than normal. i guess experience gave my hiring manager, the customer service manager, a reason to pay me more. i am so happy. yet not as happy without my hubby. i have this picture up as my desktop--actualy its our photo together with him in his black fluor power tower shirt with warrior mario and me smiling and looking almost as chinky as my love. i miss him so much--it is hard to describe. i miss him like i miss walking in the rain but a thousand times more. i miss him like i miss him always--patiently and attentive. oh gosh. yesterday he spoke so differently. we were fighting--having a war between our worlds one day--and the next few days, we were speaking pretty lovingly to each other. but he spoke so differently besides the new, more optimistic subject manner. he spoke as if he were really outgoing and jolly. that is it. he spoke more jolly--it was amazing! i did not even recognize it from before. it was definitely a new experience. he soundd genuinely jolly. sigh. i miss that pseudogeek of mine. Mood: impressed

	2005.07.01  09.55 interview wow. i calld yesterday and the hiring manager (i think) was a guy this time and he askd me to come in today. i guess i should go early so i will be leaving in a few minutes. wowwww. a second job! this is going to be an absolutely busy summer instead of the hibernation i meant this time to be. mmm. this is my interview look: light tan stripes on white dress shirt, a pencil skirt, one inch black heels, earrings. hehe... i duno if this is an okay outfit because i am applying for another geeky job. this i what i have done today so far: woke up at 8:30 breakfast showered til 9:30 dressd etc paintd my nails smiled for the camera livejournal and strolld to my interview... (to be continued...) Mood: jubilant

	2005.06.30  15.11 i love vance i just have one thing to say in this entry: "hullo!" Mood: hopeful

	2005.06.30  01.16 i miss him yeah. we had another awkward and tense night. i have these obligations that he respects but is not happy about. and i do not know what to do with him right now--he is so distant. i felt like he did not want to support me during a sensitive time for me. and he probably feels or felt the same when we had an awkward and tense night yesterday. sigh. where does the time go when we wait to see each other again--while arguing? i miss him so much. i adore him yet there are some things i clinch my fist to: - short-fused - guarded love sigh again. i will figure it out with him. sigh again... i hung up on the poor thing because i was upset, tired, and just tired. he was disappointd and whatnot but i had to let him go. he was too much for me tonight. oh he could not have said it better: "love is not easy." Mood: pensive

	2005.06.29  16.42 mmmhm alright. i am at work and hoping time flies. i love the view tho: the big window in front of me... helps me see a ton of interesting things and people. sigh. i think i will catch a photo of it later--perhaps catching a photo of it will stress the shy people, if any. it is a bit busy at work for now--many customers, a repair man, and a janitor are home at the copy center. and of course, there are my many other co-workers who are home and i am always glad that they usually put a smile on my sleepy self. Mood: good

	2005.06.29  13.25 aha this is my first entry. wow. altho, i have a real journal... signing up for an online journal was too tempting now that i have my digital camera by my side. entering some digital logs would be neat on livejournal. but until i find something interesting to add with my photos here... i will go awol from livejournal for now, heh. Mood: creative